dear diary
sorry i've been so bad at writing in you lately. i've just become keenly aware that i am spending incredible amounts of time alone, whether i am in atlanta/seattle/chicago/boston/chicago, or in my apartment at nights after work, and it gave me the creeps to air that total isolation by blogging about it. but nor did i really start to go out in new york city at night to hang out with friends and hopefully meet new friends. i guess i have a new apartment and it's large and i enjoy being in it, and i've also started swimming laps like a banshee here in the neighborhood... but really that's no excuse.
seattle was lovely, i really like it there - but i was still madly missing and text messaging my ex . . . so the whole trip in a way, when i think back on it, as incredibly beautiful as the nature and scenery are in the pacific northwest, it'll always have that massive, but now dated, wistfulness attached to it. on night one i was going to see the minus5 at the crocodile cafe - i even bakedly ambled down there and found the place early and asked the hipster little dude in charge if it was sold out, and he said very much not... guess only i thought they were awesome. anyway i didn't go. at night i was having some beers in my hotel room at the roosevelt, a very old classic seattle hotel - i was on a top floor with two exposures so i could see all of downtown and pudget sound, it was pretty awesome. i was probably watching some baseball or reading or both, having some beers, probably had an ambien, had some room service food like one does on a business trip, and then crashed. had a meeting or two the next day and the friday night drove to the ballard neighborhood and saw kimya dawson's show - i love her and adam green and them together as the moldy peaches, and it was just an awesome experience because her songs are so spiritual and transcendant, and her dude was there with their little baby panda, and the whole scene was very warm and nice. cool to be in the stuff like that - not bloody likely in new york city - it's too pulsing and fabulous 24/7, etc.... i always come back from the west coast to new york and have a really hard time readjusting.
over the weekend when i was just killing time in seattle and hanging around, i bought a jeans jacket i kept talking about wanting to get - and it was cheap and easy and just the kind i wanted!! only $20! good old old navy... i also walked along the waterfront and took a tour of safeco field and then walked up the waterfront again and took a ferry ride out to bainbridge island - and walked all around there. yeah, wistfulness and nostalgia is all i remember, because the place is so stunning and smells so good (like pine and clean nature) and you feel so good, but sort of ghost like always taking it all in alone, with the ipod going, etc...
i also saw the will farrell movie about the race car driver, which i'd expected to find funnier. and the movie little miss sunshine, which was even better than i expected, it was awesome. i was also looking forward to sunday night baseball after the movie, i think the playoffs were just about to start and houston was trying to overtake st louis (that was the game) but because of stupid west coast time of course the game was already ending when i got out of the movie and had this all you can eat sushi meal at this great buffet place at the mall in downtown seattle where i saw the movie. remind me never to do the table for one thing again - it's totally depressing. i mean ya gotta eat, but if you're on a business trip just get room service dude - especially if it's dinner. but it wasn't all bad, because seattle is so inspiring and people there are really nice (funny, kimya dawson was saying in her blog that they aren't very nice and that's why her and her little family moved down to olympia, but again i'm used to east coast style)...
it was good to get to chicago - one i have a two good friends there now and two it's an awesome city. nothing like seattle obviously, and maybe the most architecturally beautiful place i have ever seen in my life - definitely the most awesome looking big city in america. but i'll talk about what i got up to in chicago (my friend andy was there, we were both there for this motivation expo which turned out to be a massive waste of time - then i had to fly back to new york for blain's wedding, which was a BRILLIANT night with some good friends - and andy stayed in chicago the poor fucker (he's sort of a miserable guy - but then who has an awesome time knocking around some place all on your own for a week and a half - maybe some people do - anyway with me i broke it up with a trip back to new york) - and then i returned to chicago and met our other colleague there, this great lumbering funny new hampsha guy we call legend, and we all hung out and worked this very good trade show called h.r.tech) - but before i say everything about chicago, let me sign off, and i promise to write more often oh dear diary. the past few weeks - since columbus day weekend actually when my sister and i were in boston together with grandparents and our folks of course, and she showed me a photo on myspace of a law school friend of hers out west, i've been more infatuated than i've ever been in my life, save for high school when i was totally gaga over this girl julie in high school. i'm 37 man!!! anyway, i've engaged her in the most soulful and flirty and getting to know each other back and forth on the myspace messenger, and have just not been myself - heart speeding up like it's gonna explode every time i see she's written, utter dread and heartbreak when i realize she's out dating and having a blast, really into being single - hell i sent her a dozen red roses a week ago, exactly a week ago in fact, drunkely late on a friday night. it freaked her out and we're still chatting but now there are massive boundaries because she really doesn't want me to get hurt and thinks i'm really nice and cool and funny and have been nothing but kind to her. she finds all my stories interesting - like appearing on that hit reality show "oh! you're clean now!" and even my gushing feverish from the heart compliments (they're all true, as well - she's inspired me to sing and play guitar every day, and i ain't done that in forever - and write haiku poems and paint (well i have to paint, dang gallery show coming up, innit) and swim every other day - just in other words love life. but since she wants me to be clear that we're only friends, because she sees that i am completely utterly infatuated with her and worship the ground she walks on, and she just wants to have fun and be unbridled, i have to talk to her carefully now. it's harder to be funny and entertaining and fun when the flirtiness has to be taken out of the equation... and she no longer flirts because she doesn't want to lead me on or something. oh well. she did say the roses were beautiful. hopefully she understands that i am an artist and i'm really passionate and emotional, and she has the prettiest face i have ever seen in my life - and i've lived a long and rich 37 years - and i told her this.... but i also have to understand that chicks don't dig that sort of thing. i mean red roses? that has really heavy meaning. dang - i'm like one of these guys that sees a tiny little razor thin green speck of a beginning of a blade of grass, and i'm so happy that something is growing in my garden that i stomp and roll and writhe all over the poor thing in ecstacy, crushing it instantly. i've always been like that. i suck.
but if you could see this girl - her eyes and smile make me go all misty she's so beautiful - also she's from latvia and we were both nine when we both respectively left riga and moscow, and we have a ton else in common, she's incredibly gorgeous but unfortunately she's happily being sassy and young and beautiful and making the most of it, while i never went out and had fun like that when i was in my 20s, or my teens, and in my 30s i was involved... so it kind of makes me desperate to know that she's so smart and funny and sassy and soulful and sexy and totally unavailable to me - even though we had this great thing on myspace - i guess cause i sent the roses and just wouldnt shut up with the adulation in the end (but still really writerly, not crap writing at all) - but totally available to just about any other dude. grrrrrrr.......
haha, bet you wish i hadn't resumed writing in you now, huh, diary! ok, you're all right, talk to you soon.
Same Suit Sam
sorry i've been so bad at writing in you lately. i've just become keenly aware that i am spending incredible amounts of time alone, whether i am in atlanta/seattle/chicago/boston/chicago, or in my apartment at nights after work, and it gave me the creeps to air that total isolation by blogging about it. but nor did i really start to go out in new york city at night to hang out with friends and hopefully meet new friends. i guess i have a new apartment and it's large and i enjoy being in it, and i've also started swimming laps like a banshee here in the neighborhood... but really that's no excuse.
seattle was lovely, i really like it there - but i was still madly missing and text messaging my ex . . . so the whole trip in a way, when i think back on it, as incredibly beautiful as the nature and scenery are in the pacific northwest, it'll always have that massive, but now dated, wistfulness attached to it. on night one i was going to see the minus5 at the crocodile cafe - i even bakedly ambled down there and found the place early and asked the hipster little dude in charge if it was sold out, and he said very much not... guess only i thought they were awesome. anyway i didn't go. at night i was having some beers in my hotel room at the roosevelt, a very old classic seattle hotel - i was on a top floor with two exposures so i could see all of downtown and pudget sound, it was pretty awesome. i was probably watching some baseball or reading or both, having some beers, probably had an ambien, had some room service food like one does on a business trip, and then crashed. had a meeting or two the next day and the friday night drove to the ballard neighborhood and saw kimya dawson's show - i love her and adam green and them together as the moldy peaches, and it was just an awesome experience because her songs are so spiritual and transcendant, and her dude was there with their little baby panda, and the whole scene was very warm and nice. cool to be in the stuff like that - not bloody likely in new york city - it's too pulsing and fabulous 24/7, etc.... i always come back from the west coast to new york and have a really hard time readjusting.
over the weekend when i was just killing time in seattle and hanging around, i bought a jeans jacket i kept talking about wanting to get - and it was cheap and easy and just the kind i wanted!! only $20! good old old navy... i also walked along the waterfront and took a tour of safeco field and then walked up the waterfront again and took a ferry ride out to bainbridge island - and walked all around there. yeah, wistfulness and nostalgia is all i remember, because the place is so stunning and smells so good (like pine and clean nature) and you feel so good, but sort of ghost like always taking it all in alone, with the ipod going, etc...
i also saw the will farrell movie about the race car driver, which i'd expected to find funnier. and the movie little miss sunshine, which was even better than i expected, it was awesome. i was also looking forward to sunday night baseball after the movie, i think the playoffs were just about to start and houston was trying to overtake st louis (that was the game) but because of stupid west coast time of course the game was already ending when i got out of the movie and had this all you can eat sushi meal at this great buffet place at the mall in downtown seattle where i saw the movie. remind me never to do the table for one thing again - it's totally depressing. i mean ya gotta eat, but if you're on a business trip just get room service dude - especially if it's dinner. but it wasn't all bad, because seattle is so inspiring and people there are really nice (funny, kimya dawson was saying in her blog that they aren't very nice and that's why her and her little family moved down to olympia, but again i'm used to east coast style)...
it was good to get to chicago - one i have a two good friends there now and two it's an awesome city. nothing like seattle obviously, and maybe the most architecturally beautiful place i have ever seen in my life - definitely the most awesome looking big city in america. but i'll talk about what i got up to in chicago (my friend andy was there, we were both there for this motivation expo which turned out to be a massive waste of time - then i had to fly back to new york for blain's wedding, which was a BRILLIANT night with some good friends - and andy stayed in chicago the poor fucker (he's sort of a miserable guy - but then who has an awesome time knocking around some place all on your own for a week and a half - maybe some people do - anyway with me i broke it up with a trip back to new york) - and then i returned to chicago and met our other colleague there, this great lumbering funny new hampsha guy we call legend, and we all hung out and worked this very good trade show called h.r.tech) - but before i say everything about chicago, let me sign off, and i promise to write more often oh dear diary. the past few weeks - since columbus day weekend actually when my sister and i were in boston together with grandparents and our folks of course, and she showed me a photo on myspace of a law school friend of hers out west, i've been more infatuated than i've ever been in my life, save for high school when i was totally gaga over this girl julie in high school. i'm 37 man!!! anyway, i've engaged her in the most soulful and flirty and getting to know each other back and forth on the myspace messenger, and have just not been myself - heart speeding up like it's gonna explode every time i see she's written, utter dread and heartbreak when i realize she's out dating and having a blast, really into being single - hell i sent her a dozen red roses a week ago, exactly a week ago in fact, drunkely late on a friday night. it freaked her out and we're still chatting but now there are massive boundaries because she really doesn't want me to get hurt and thinks i'm really nice and cool and funny and have been nothing but kind to her. she finds all my stories interesting - like appearing on that hit reality show "oh! you're clean now!" and even my gushing feverish from the heart compliments (they're all true, as well - she's inspired me to sing and play guitar every day, and i ain't done that in forever - and write haiku poems and paint (well i have to paint, dang gallery show coming up, innit) and swim every other day - just in other words love life. but since she wants me to be clear that we're only friends, because she sees that i am completely utterly infatuated with her and worship the ground she walks on, and she just wants to have fun and be unbridled, i have to talk to her carefully now. it's harder to be funny and entertaining and fun when the flirtiness has to be taken out of the equation... and she no longer flirts because she doesn't want to lead me on or something. oh well. she did say the roses were beautiful. hopefully she understands that i am an artist and i'm really passionate and emotional, and she has the prettiest face i have ever seen in my life - and i've lived a long and rich 37 years - and i told her this.... but i also have to understand that chicks don't dig that sort of thing. i mean red roses? that has really heavy meaning. dang - i'm like one of these guys that sees a tiny little razor thin green speck of a beginning of a blade of grass, and i'm so happy that something is growing in my garden that i stomp and roll and writhe all over the poor thing in ecstacy, crushing it instantly. i've always been like that. i suck.
but if you could see this girl - her eyes and smile make me go all misty she's so beautiful - also she's from latvia and we were both nine when we both respectively left riga and moscow, and we have a ton else in common, she's incredibly gorgeous but unfortunately she's happily being sassy and young and beautiful and making the most of it, while i never went out and had fun like that when i was in my 20s, or my teens, and in my 30s i was involved... so it kind of makes me desperate to know that she's so smart and funny and sassy and soulful and sexy and totally unavailable to me - even though we had this great thing on myspace - i guess cause i sent the roses and just wouldnt shut up with the adulation in the end (but still really writerly, not crap writing at all) - but totally available to just about any other dude. grrrrrrr.......
haha, bet you wish i hadn't resumed writing in you now, huh, diary! ok, you're all right, talk to you soon.
Same Suit Sam
posted by Same Suit Sam | 10:07 PM
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